i changed the title... it is happy new year!

I am doing something what I always wanted to do. I am television Journalist. I produce shows. I like what I am doing in fact I love it. However, the fact is how long can you keep on doing it? You cannot keep doing it everyday, every moment of your life. Finally, at one point of your life you realize that your day, your life, all the seconds that you are living revolves around that… your job! It might sound good to few of you who are reading this… but then when you are the one who is caught in the tornado it is not too great a situation.

 

Working in a television channel has its own merits and demerits. Merits are few. I realized it after working with this medium for two years now! You cannot take offs just like that! Because if you are working on something, you are the indispensable one to the institution and only if you are dead or you do not, need any money to survive you can take off and QUIT. Then you have the tag of a loser on you! “Oh that’s the person who could not take the television pressure and quit!

 

That is not all!

 

All this frustration and continuous rambling is a result of the recent misery I underwent. Do not want to mention that incident here. Not a very pleasant story that will be too narrate neither my readers will be too happy to listen to it! The point here is maybe I am a bit depressed due to the same. So maybe I am just on a trip where everything is frustrating! Nevertheless, I am still hopeful. I know time is going to get better. New Year is just round the corner. Old wears away and new thrives! Ooowwwcchhh that is not how it sounded in my head! Anyway!

J

At least I am smiling now! Writing always helps me. They are so much better than the unwanted crowd that surrounds you and refuses to leave!

 

Hmm… so maybe the New Year with all its newness, new days, new moments, new seasons, new surprises, new people, and new opportunities will be a pleasant change from what it is now, because however great I feel after writing this piece I still need some change! I am a bit bright now from what I was since morning. I am still hopeful! I like the feeling. I am ready to take up challenges again. I do not care what happened yesterday. I do not care what I did yesterday. I am going to focus on the present. In fact, I will not focus at all maybe. I do not want to. I want to take it all easy, nice, and just let things the way they are! Let them flow like an unstoppable brook and maybe I will just be standing on the edge watching as a curious onlooker. Then after a while when I am ready plunge in and take control of whatever happens next!

 

On that positive and DEV note…. Ciao and see ya all readers in the pleasant new year! I am happy and wish the same for all of you! 

Is Autobiography inescapable?

Ofcourse my writing is me. But not in the banal sense of the word. I am not reading out my Dear Diary Journal to you, but in my writing you will see the world distilled by my being. The wisdom of any writing, the relevance of it is a reflection of a writer’s calibre as a lightning conductor. Catch a bright bolt of lightning, process it through one’s soul, release it to the Earth!

Simple Blabbering

You are a great relief. Sometimes this is the best way to vent your frustration. Computers are so patient... you keep on saying and they don't complain! 

New Job... Am i supposed to be Excited??

Seventh of August 2008, Time: 9:15 AM...

 

"Bye Ma.... Take Care... Kichu chai toh phone koro..." 

 

"Bye Beta... thik... And listen...ALL THE BEST...” 

 

That was my mother on that Thursday morning wishing me all the luck for the first day at a new job. Things a week back were not that great, I was struggling with my job at Real estate Television. Everything was quite fucked there.   As soon as a close friend informed me that there was a opening in a new English channel I applied and got through. I quit on fourth of August. I was quite miserable as I was not too happy with the way I quit. I did not serve my notice period and I am suffering till date because those buggers have still not passed my relieving letter! Ahh!!! Anyway... that all is passé! 

 

The story thus begins on 7 August when like a regular enthusiast I wanted to be my best on the first day at a new place! A New Beginning!!! 

 

I was quite jittery to go directly to the office, yes happens to me! People think I am this extrovert, over enthuse who is ready to take the world head on at any point of time... However, the truth is always contorted.... I am quite a coward! Therefore, I go to a friends place, have coffee and smoke like a chimney and be there for more than an hour. Finally, the friend who is quite irritated by my presence asks me to get out! I reach office. As per instructions from different friends, go meet the HR. The Hr has still not arrived. What does Dev do then... she sits for the next one hour, waiting for the required people to come to office! May I remind you, that it was past noon by then. Finally, the Creative Head comes and I get introduced to my Team. I joined as an Associate Producer for the Lifestyle team. 

I am going to write some more, but not now... i am not in the mood. But dear readers, this is still being drafted so come back again!

 

 

Binodini.....

Woman psychae is the most sought after subject for any intellegent film maker… yes sometimes the intellegent film maker is so captivated by his character that he looses himself to her. Or sometimes  in the character eludes the writer so much that the writer stops thinking logically and puts himself in the place of the character… there are lot of clauses there.

“CHOKER BALI”  is an adaptation from the book Choker Bali authored by Radindra Nath Tagore. I have read the book and so I know the book and the movie hardly share any similarities except the emotions of the character Binodini, Mahendra, Asha, Bihari and Mahendra’s Mother ( cant recall the character’s name..) Binodini’s role played by Aishwarya Rai is well done… or so may I say… all will not agree. She doesn’t get into the skin of the character because she is simply not Binodini. The Binodini I have read. She tries to hard, Tagore’s Binodini never tried. She was Binodini. Well, I am not writing a review so no point comparing the actors.

The author has shown a woman who is a widow, a friend, a companion, wife, daughter – in – law, a hostess, a girl, a woman… a seductress. She is Binodini.

When one reads the book or watches the movie they definitely once think, do all women have a Binodini in them? The answer is tough. Because all women aspire to be a Binodini. The poise, the grace, the beauty, the sensuality, the seduction, the dedication, the aspirations, the courage, the love, the zest for life… everything which Binodini possess hardly a woman could think of in the days when the book was written. Even in this fast moving world, a woman defintiely aspires but can hardly be one. Binodini is an actress, she plays a fool with everyone. She wants to achieve as she is scared to be a loser. She losses her husband after 1 year of her marriage. She is jealous so she has Mahendra and tries to have Bihari too. I am talking like a man… but hell no.. she is a creation which no man can resist.

I finally finished the book, and the ending left me quite in distaste. Although, after reading the book one cannot really expect a different sort of ending, but when a movie is an adaptation from a fantastic book already written and loved the expectations reach a different level altogether. There is a whole lot of psychology happening there… let me try and explain. I remember talking about this when Da Vinci Code was made into a movie and everybody thought that with Tom Hanks starring as Robert Langdon the movie would do wonders because thebook was meant to be a movie! Well, people had some hell loads of dejection from the movie! I think the only book that has transformed itself into a brilliant motion picture and has some resemblance to the characters and the plots of the book originally written is Lord Of the Ring.

There is a point in the movie when Binodini is ridiculed by Rajalakshmi (Mahendra's Mother) when the latter finds out about the ilicit relationship between binod and her Son.... she decides to take refuge in Behari's place. In despair, Binodini appeals to Behari, asking him to marry her or make her his mistress. Her status in society depends on being the possession of a man. Behari refuses, explaining that he cannot forgive her for her behaviour. Binodini decides to return to her country home. There she contemplates the options open to her - suicide or exile to Benares, and chooses Benares. Mahendra turns up at her doorstep and agrees to escort her to the holy city. He also agrees to a platonic relationship. 

Benares is a kind of revelation for Binodini, a melting pot of death, despair and lost hopes set against the canvas of eternity. From Mahendra's boat she spies on this new world through her binoculars. She also catches a glimpse of a visibly pregnant Ashalata. This shocks her into remorse. She decides to renounce Mahendra. At this crucial moment, Behari arrives at Benares bringing the news of Rajlakshmi's death with him. He realises Binodini's plight and asks her to marry him. Binodini agrees, but when the wedding day arrives, she is nowhere to be found. She leaves a note for Ashalata. In the note Binodini says that freedom is the final reality, the place where one belongs, the only thing that one can call one's own. She advises Ashalata to raise her child differently, open to the world and its influences, unlike her generation caged within four walls. 

This is how the movie ends. 

Choker Bali is hands down one of the most well written and well thought books I have read in the recent past. But it is sad to see the book being wasted into a movie. The way the great characters of Mahendra, Ashalata, Behari and Binodini have been butchered is not what the fans of Rituporno Ghosh were expecting of him. 

Again born to die.... *SIGH*

This is a sequel to my previous post, “Born to Die…”

The other post (as mentioned above) was quite preachy and idealist. Things in 21^st century is not the way I have presented them to you guys, they are different. I cant categorize them into good/bad/worse/terrible!

Discrimination, according to me, always be there, between a man and a woman. I am not talking about a less educated farmer killing his daughter because he thinks he cant afford bringing her up. Here I am talking of those multitudes who have been raised in the best possible way, and have been given the best possible education. As one says (actually I say this… almost always :D) everything is in the head. And that’s where it originates, takes birth, forms, creates, stems and therefore grows. IN THE HEAD!

Discrimination, corruption or any other vice becomes malignant when at a higher level. And discrimination between a man and a woman is most recognized and predominant in an educated circle. Sometimes people will not voice their feelings, but action speak. That's the irony of the situation!!! Dominant yet hidden!

Let me site a very personal example. I am abusive. I cant say a single sentence without swearing. And thanks to my wide knowledge of Hindi, I am strong competition for ten men. Usual evening, friends gathered, and as usual without any rhyme or reason people slinging abuses at each other. I contribute. Silence. “what happened?” (few men giggle and whisper..) repeat of the question: “what the fuck happened?”

One of my good friends…. “How can u say such a thing being a woman… it is not INDIAN culture.”

WELL, DOES ANY OTHER GODDAMN CULTURE TEACH MEN AND WOMEN TO ABUSE EACH OTHER???? I DON’T REALLY THINK SO!!!! BUT THEN WHAT THE FUCK, THEY DO FUCKING SWEAR… ON THEIR MOTHERS ON THEIR FATHERS AND ON ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO FUCKING HAVE DONE NO BLOODY HARM TO THEM. RIGHT?

But there is a small clause here…. Only men can abuse…. Ssshhhh…. All women just stand and enjoy the beautiful ceremony of abuses!

Being the person I am! I snap at him so bad that he just shuts the fuck up! I am happy and satisfied that at least one woman made her point. And that’s when it struck me. It is not about me making a point, because that really doesn’t make any fucking difference! And similarly me writing a preachy blog, about how female foeticide is immoral and unfair doesn’t help the cause. because the problem is not on grassroots level alone, it is everywhere. And by everywhere I mean everywhere! East, west, north and south and not for India for the entire globe!

All my male friends reading this post don’t think I am a spaced out feminist… no I am not. Neither am I trying to make a point here. I love your species guys… I just love you all! But then as a woman, in liberated India, I don’t think women are liberated. They are still in shackles, in the heads of men. And these chains are so fucking strong that even women cant free themselves from that. And that’s where our quintessence INDIAN WOMAN concept sweeps in!

THIS POST IS JUST GETTING TOO HUGE… ILL CONTINUE REST IN AN ANOTHER POST!

LOVE YA ALL! MEN AND WOMEN EQUALLY….

Review... Reluctant Fundamentalist

Although the title of the post says, Review, when I wrote this post, I hadn't finished reading it! But anyway... read on....

The book (The Reluctant Fundamentalist, by Mohsin Hamid) is written in a very different manner. I am, since I have started reading the book, trying to write something with the same style, but I am so preoccupied by the perfectly structured book that I cannot think of anything else.

The book is about this Pakistani guy Changez, who is studying at Princeton on scholarship. He is resident of Lahore. The fighter in him helps him grab a prestigious job at this business firm, Underwood Samsons. He is a happy satisfied man, as he is a genius in his group. And although he doesn’t mention this, it is quite evident from the incidents that he is proud of himself as he despite being an asian is being loved by the Americans. The inferiority complex of the Asians and their high reverence for the Americans manifests in the course of happenings in the book. The author is in love with a NewYorker woman called Erica. That is another ego booster. The fact that a wheatish guy is being appreciated, lauded and accepted in an American community, and the verity that he is being accepted is quite marked in the book. And that’s what scores with the audience.

After the 9/11 occurrence, things start changing for Changez, (or so I guess… as I have not read beyond that till now) quite obvious part of the book, where the author becomes vulnerable and tries to leave the book’s ending at the reader’s emancipations. The reader might be wrong or right. So I am taking my chance.

The book’s title hereby becomes clear to all of us. The author respects the white skins. One of his best friends, is an American, Wainwright. The girl he is enamored to is an American. But maybe at the end, these people disown him. Because of the most obvious reasons.

The fundamentalist in him is confused. He has seen the change, in a very short span of time. The moment’s gone, the feeling’s over. He knows what the Americans think of him or of the multitudes of wheatish skinned people. But everything is so fast and therefore so blurred, he cant make up his mind. Sad but true.

Do asians really get such a treatment in the USA? Well, I have never been to USA. If ever I go, it will be only for pleasure and leisure. Or maybe education. But not work. Let me specify something here, as I can see you look quite perplexed. You are thinking of me being one of those bitches who say something but act unlikely. I need to mention here, that I might work, but it will be only to raise some fund for my studies, only if I need to do so…. That is.

USA, a dream which motivates people. However paralyzed america is after the Recession, it’s charm is too luring to be avoided. USA is USA. I hate the way I am patronizing a country I despise, but it is a author’s note, and an author can never be judgemental. Atleast I think so… infact no body should be judgemental. However hard it is. Was I just preachy and judgemental?