mornings....

i hate mornings! oh how i hate mornings... the beautiful and bright sun in the morning, looks more like a jobless shit to me than a beautiful sight...
My office begins at 9 in the morning, and thats why i have to wake up at 7 so that i can catch the 7:50 cab to office and save some bucks for myself... so waking up at 7, which gets postponed to 7:15 and then finally to 7:30 and then things just whizz past me... the brushing, the tea, the smoke every bloody thing.
Another debacle begins... surviving the day, more the morning...
Girls are usually more chirpy and cheerful than men, although i know few men, who are worse trust me... so there is a shower of "Goodmornings" the moment I enter the cab... (why dude, whats so good about this... or any morning... it drags you from the cozy warm... uhhhhh... bed!) For the past few years I have been expecting myself to be a bit more abstemious, and you know be good to people in the morning... even if you feel extremely awful about yourself and the entire world. But then i think that is not going to ensue in next forty years... (that's exactly I expect myself to live.. so)
This is not one of the usual blogs I have written so far. See basically I am not at all a good writer, but I also am relentless... so still fighting to please my evaluators! :D
yea, so i was saying that this is not the usual blogs which I have written till date, but I so wanted to write about this, because it is morning guys... and it is meant to be silent... YES YES I understand the beauty and the freshness... but silently enjoy it...
gracias!

Born to Die!

Check out these proverbs:

“A woman should be a lump of clay.”

“The luckless man looses a horse a lucky man looses wife.”

These proverbs are still the part of the living follklore which inculcates the millions across the country. These oft quoted lines are grim reminders that even in the 21^st century- the age in which most of the modern world is awakening to the call of enlightened feminism – India still wallows in pristine muck of misogyny: mans inhumanity to woman. In majority part of india a woman is still considered to be a burdensome appendage. Shes an economic drain. She’s usually doled out as an non-entity or a non-existant person. Because she crushes her family with marriage and dowry expenses must be raised from childhood – through financial and physical neglect. Her birth, is greeted with silence nd sorrow a boy on other hand arrives to the sound of joyous conch shells. Discrimination begins at birth.

Comprehensive studies conducted by the UNICEF as well as Indian social scientists reveal an organised pattern of discrimination against young girls and older women in India. Their revelations are startling. India is the only country in the world where the ratio of women to men has been declining over the years. The sex ratio declined from 972 women per 1000 men in 1901 to 931 in 1981. And India is one of the handful countries where female infant mortality exceeds that of the male notwithstanding the fact that the female child is biologically stronger at birth. Girl babies are breast fed less frequetly, and for shorter durations than the boy babies. When they grow up they are provided less nutrtion than their counterparts. All this laxity and a silly crave for boy babies showed that most of females in the country suffer from acute trouble of malnutrition. Glaring figures of survey also expound upon the extent to which females are tossed aside and sons are more valued than daughters: boys are taken to hospitals more frequently than the girls, that too only for homespun diseases. Another mind boggling problem attached with the infanticide case and why it happens is the declining literacy rate of females. The general idea is that women DON’T need any education. Why? Because there's no education needed in housework and giving birth to children… exactly that’s what comprises of a woman’s role in an Indian society!! Don’t be aghast and disgusted, this is only the beginning.

It is not a very pretty picture, the plight of India’s girls aged 15 and under – about 140 million of them – cry out desperately for caring and sensitive attention. They form more than 30% of the country’s population but are denied adequate food and care because their parents are themselves the victims nd prisoners of brutal tradition nd economic circumstance in which the female shoulders a horrifying responsibility. For being born as a girl, she suffers each passing day of her life. Burned as an adult bride over the titanic dowry demands nd if shes a child bride(another boon!!!) condemned to lifetime of penurious widowhood upon the death of a husband even before her marriage is consummated.

There are few incidents which will be mentioned in this article, which will have a two fold task:

1. To inform the readers about the recent trends nd methods and ofcourse their effect on the society today, and

2. An eye – opener as to where our society is heading to?

The ruinous day of May, when another infanticide would take place in a small vllage of Madurai which is inhabited by the locals called KALLARS, was no different than any other normal day. Parents of the new born were Chinnama (mother), and Kuppuswamy (father). The new born cried lustily as it came into this world. It was a bonny child, fair in complexion, it is eyes squinting at the sunlight that filtered in. but when the mother laid eyes on her baby, tears welled up in her eyes. They weren't tears of joy…

Chinnammal had seen that it was a baby girl. What crossed her mind wasn’t the anticipation of the joys of motherhood but the trials that lay ahead. How could a family of daily wage agricultural workers belonging to the Kallar group of tear community afford to bring up and marry off two daughters? How could they, when the dowry demanded by the bridegroom’s family is astronomical. The couple had decided to have a second child only in the hope that it would be a boy… but on this sunny day their dreams lay shattered. They found out a solution to this, though that was tough for them too but they had no other choice. Kuppuswamy trudged somewhat unsteadily into a nearby field, plucked few oleander berries known for their lethal poison and returned home. Chinnammal mashed them into a milky paste and fed to the crying baby. The parents then shut the door of the hut, and waited outside for the poison to do it is work. Within an hour the baby started to twitch and tremble fitfully. Slowly she started pouting blood thru her mouth and nose. The parents heard her whining, a few more minutes and everything was quiet. Chinnammal knew that everything was over; she quietly walked over to her mothers hut close by, dug up a little patch of ground inside and buried the dead baby. Don’t be appalled as to how a mother can do that with a new born; that too who is her own child… she’s ready with her reply:

“I killed my child to save it from the lifelong ignominy of being the daughter of a poor family that could not afford to pay a decent dowry… but altogether it was extremely difficult to steel myself for the act….…”

Chinnammal wasn’t the only mother who administered poison to her baby daughter. There have been numerous and incalculable mothers like her who in the fervent hope of saving their families and their daughters from the lifelong penalty of being a daughter, that too of a poor family, killed them mercilessly. The reason of this relentless killing of babies is the cruel dowry problem, and which actually originates from problem of an incomparable magnitude – POVERTY. The families in which female infanticide usually happens is mostly the lower class, the wage worker class, and the lower middle class, where the family is unable to put up with the demands of the whims and fancies of the groom’s family. Undoubtedly, reasons like, illiteracy which enhances unawareness, ignorance among the general class; blind faith that the girl is the weaker sex thus cannot be of any help for the household in future; and the last but the most important reason that India is a male dominated society… and it hasn’t come out of this age-old shell even if it is now in the midst of 21^st century!

Men in India talk as if they belong to the family of ostriches and are unaware of successful women like, Kalpana Chawla, Kiran Bedi, Shobha De, Mira Nair, Gurinder Chaddha, Aishwarya Rai, Sushmita Sen and many more who are ruling the country and of course the world. They have achieved the pedestal which no man has ever achieved. And the best part of this is that men too acknowledge these women. But you know where the pain lies that they cannot recognize the women who are feeding them, giving air to their caprice and fancies, try to make it up for them all the time, trying to do all that pleases them. That proves how they are: insensitive and insensible and incognizant.

But like not a very prejudiced author, I will never blame someone for the plight of women in India. If they are killed right after birth, if they are being assaulted in all streets of India, if they are in a deplorable condition and if they’ve allowed men to dominate them it is all their feebleness, and bitterness which resulted in men doing the honors which they do. On this date people can only write and TRY to make women aware of their plight, they jus make it sure that women know, that in what kind of serious plight they are in. the biggest irony, is this article where a woman herself is gloriously writing an article where she’s describing the pains inflicted on her sex group

If young girls and older women are denied a living in most parts of India, it is only the next step of this cruel logic that they should be denied life itself. Female infanticide – snuffing out the lives of newborn babies, is ultimately the catharsis in the tragic drama of female life in this country. This article should be an eye- opener for all of them who read it and a mirror in which all Indians must look and come face to face with the ugliness that surrounds them. The challenge of developing India into a land of social and economic justice as Nehru puts it is not just the creation of factories, and machinery and of grandiose schemes.

“Ultimately, it is the human being that counts, and if the human being counts, well he counts more as a child than a grown up.”

- Jawahar Lal Nehru.

sans F*&K!!

I was just going through "interLoper" and saw that it is actually unfinished... as one of my dear friend has pointed out in one of his comments that I lost focus. And that is true. But the truth is that there is nothing to write after that. Actually when you write there are parts which are left unsaid so that the reader can use his intellect to figure out the things which are not mentioned.

It is part of learning.

How many times it has happened during my college days that i have been in dumps and my Mother on the other side of the phone has advised me to meditate and take it easy. But I don't know why was it so tough... you know how it is to be stuffed in closed fuel truck right... as in even if you have never been there, you can imagine how will you feel if you are surrounded by the stench of blood, urine and fuel... imagine the stink and you will feel bile rising to your throat. I felt that for quite a long time. And after that, like everyone, I got used to it. I hate myself for that. Same dear Friend says, "you'll get used to it..." but why? I don't want to get accustomed to it... how can you acclimatize to a STENCH. But (repeating myself) I did succumb to the shit around me. They did not affect me anymore. Is this called adjustment? Living your life on rules dictated by someone else... That's when I was Numb... Comfortably Numb.

NoNcOnFoRmIsT!!!

This is my blog, and everyone is supposed to read this, as in not supposed to, but then it will be on an open forum so… I expect that if I’m not as bad (as I think myself to be) people will read it.

What is a conformist? You can call him/her a sheep, a follower or a traditional person. Conforming to rules and regulations which are dictated first by parents, then schools, then university, then boss and if you’re an aware citizen and understand the procedures of the country you then start adhering to what the government has to say. And the saddest part of the story is, all these sheep have the nerve to call them “independent”. Why? Because they earn, they live alone and they do not have anyone who is supervising their daily routine. But the fact that everyday and each moment we are dictated by someone or the other. No one at all is independent. They cannot be. They are shackled down by, customs, culture (although it is not suppose to chain you… still) and many such things. Another misconception that people have that they are democratic. It is another tool to rule you. Well, me, who is lecturing so much about all these shackles and pinning down of yourself, I myself do not know which one will be a better way of living. Free trade? Yea… actually pretty good… but then experts say it has it's own problems and so does everything… so the point is why then to kowtow to any rule or prescription. I say go your own way. Just imagine if all men and women go their own way… how many new ways can be invented? But then there is catch there too… all these men and women who will be inventing these ways will motivate many others to join them in their way, again giving birth to conformism!

Damn! Is there no way out…

Again come to think of it… what am I? Am I not a conformist? I used to think that I am not.In your teens if you are referred to as a “rebel” and “independent” it does boost your morale and satiates your ego to an extent. Me being quite extrovert and outgoing, did hear such things quite often. I obviously had a different life from the rest of the girls of my age. I was in my basketball team, I was into sports, biking and lots of other stuff which were strange and ridiculous for other girls around me. So in that sense I was not a conformist. I despite of getting a decent grade (which could have enrolled me in a science course) took up humanities, because of the simple reason that I loved the subjects which I was going to read. After the higher secondary degree when all my friends were planning to take up their Graduation courses in metroes and colleges which had history of great students and teachers, I plan to take up a Literature course and study in Ranchi in St.Xavier’s. Finally choose Journalism as my career when all my peers are doing Management courses which will fetch them bundles of money and others all are Engineers. My intention is not to write an autobiography but just to point out a simple thing, it doesn’t matter whether you’re a conformist or not, what counts is whether you’re following the trend or doing what you think is right. The next debatable point is “so whoever did what you did was a non – conformist?” No! because many were forced to do things which I did with free will and pleasure.

It is all about free will, and choosing what is right for you. Everyone has that priviledge. Everyone is emancipated and indepndence is not a virtue it is a right. A right to mould your life as you want it to be. But then every right has a limitation, independence also has a limitation, and death limits it. Because you don’t get to decide that one thing, and have to bow down on front of that!

interLoper

life has changed a lot. the day I first left Ranchi for Chennai. my life has a been a rollercoaster ever since. people have come and gone. Few became very important but as usual no one was able to be there unswervingly. I was tired of giving importance to every new person every other day, and the entire thing confused me too. Who actually is important, who do i really care for. Is he my friend? Am i really answerable to her? Is that person really allowed to ask me so many questions? And while all this I kept learning, and after a certain point of time I was tired of learning also... at the end of every day i was not left alone my reckless life haunted me. I had loads of people around me, to comfort me, to scorn me, to motivate and demoralize me and this viciousness went on and on and on.

train journeys are again long and tedious. Especially the long ones, like from Ranchi to Chennai. Two and a half fucking days. Damn! How irritated i was when i entered the compartment and found that even the fans were not working and to top everything I had a sick book with me "Night At A Call Centre". But guess what? That was a journey which I never forgot and my destiny has never allowed me to forget it. One person who has reinstilled my faith in sanity and mankind and goodness. I believed in self-annihilation. As in people around the globe do things which eventually result in their own downfall. Selfishness, jealousy and such others are examples a bit philosophical but true. I do not say that I am a completely changed after the train journey, but yes the changes which I went through were really important for me. Have always been a loner, not really in the real meaning as I was quite a social person, but it was all superficial. I was there for the heck of it, laughed and did everything came back and would never want to go back... but always went. That's how my life always been ever since.... but then there is a positive force in my life now... and i never want it to leave me. Life is a mess and will always be, but at least with this new addition I don't mind any number of messes, just because I know I am not alone!